When you are ready to commit to getting help, when you are ready to help your children, then it is time to move to a place where you can re-gain your footing.  You can not fight this beast on it's own turf.  You must move to a place where you can find support, balance, mental clarity, and security. You and your children need to be safe first, and this will take a community of people to ensure. 

At this point you probably have a number of 'escape attempts' under your belt.  You probably have run away after or during a fight to a friend or family member's house.  You may even have stayed away for a number of days, until you were lured back by apologies, promises, induced guilt, that fantasy you keep about how he will change one day, etc... This may have become a part of the pattern for you  and your family:

 you're abused, you run away, promises/guilt, you return home, repeat 

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It has to stop. 

If you have a child, this running away and going back is dangerous, and extremely damaging. 

You need to be clear about your circumstances.

Below are three things you must identify about yourself, before you will be ready to safely escape from the violence.  Read them carefully and thoughtfully. 

You will know you are ready to safely get help and leave the violence when you recognize that:

1.  Living with domestic violence has left you confused about what is right and wrong, what is OK and not OK in a relationship.

2. Living with domestic violence has left you feeling crazy, for example: you argue with yourself about how stupid you are that you didn't close the shampoo bottle because if you did, he never would've hit you, instead of simply being appauled that someone you love 'hits you'.

3.  You can no longer protect yourself or your children from the violent language and the violence witnessed and experienced day after day.

These conditions are a part of the tether that the beast has carefully and systematically tied around you.  

• The confusion about right and wrong,
• the crazy-making anxiety, and
• the lie that you can change or control anything in the environment that will lesson the abuse

You will need to recognize them and compensate for them in order to have a successful escape.   I will show you ways to loosen the strangle hold of these bindings in order for you to get yourself and your children to safety.  You will not be able to fully separate yourself from these tethers before you leave as you must have time away from the abuse and violence to re-learn and remember what it is like to live a truthful and healthy life.

If you can identify and acknowledge the above three statements for yourself, then I can help you.  If you can not, then feel free to read along and use the information when you 'are ready'.

Now....

let's take a look at what needs to happen, if possible, BEFORE you make your final escape.