Public versus Domestic Violence

An adult busts into an elementary school building.  He is screaming and his face is distorted as every profanity you've ever heard comes pouring out of his mouth.  He rages into the first classroom he sees and violently begins shoving desks around as children scramble to move out of the way.  He makes his way to the teacher and back hands her causing her lip to split, blood splatters across her desk.  He threatens to kill her saying something about 'taking his parking spot'.  The teacher, shocked and terrified, covers her mouth with her hand and tries to speak calmly, while she slowly moves towards the door hoping to let someone know she needs help.  He quickly blocks the door and his anger escalates. He literally picks up a desk and makes broad gestures threatening to throw it at her.  The children are screaming, crying.  Courageously, the teacher manages to keep her composure as she is keenly aware of her students horror.  She tries to quiet him, "Please, your frightening the children..."  Annoyed that the teacher doesn't seem to believe the seriousness of his threat, he fakes a movement as if to throw the desk in her direction.  This causes a little girl to cry out who was hiding near him behind a file cabinet.  The man immediately turns on the little girl, screaming that she'd BETTER SHUT UP!'...moving within inches of her face, he screams at her 'DO YOU WANT ME TO HURT YOU?!'  Terrified, the little girl sobs. The man screams the question again - YOU WANT ME TO HURT YOU!?!'  The little girl can't answer, she can barely breathe.  He continues to pummel the question at her as she gasps for air, meanwhile the teacher is begging him to stop.  Just as she moves forward to try and physically intervene, three policemen storm through the door and tackle the man to the ground.

           You're waiting in line to pay for a pack of gum at a gas station mini-mart.  It's 6:00 pm and there is a lot of people in and out, paying for gas, picking up a gallon of milk or a quick loaf of bread before heading home. Suddenly you hear a scream.  You turn towards the door and see that someone has come in to the shop carrying a large butcher knife in one hand.  They are ranting, waving the knife wildly back and forth.  People in the store start to scatter, some run for the door but the person won't let them come near.  "LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!"  he rants.  'YOU DID THIS TO ME!'.   Everyone scans the room to see who this someone is, who exactly this angry person is after.  No one seems to know who he's talking to, and yet the he rages on.  He approaches a teenager near him and slices the air with the knife just inches from her face causing her to scream and fall backwards.  The clerk behind the counter hits a button to alert the police; a man who had been hiding behind a soda machine makes a run for the door.  The intruder, seeing him, screams profanities and thrusts his body against the door.  This causes the man trying to escape to swerve in order to avoid the knife and fall hard onto a shelf of condiments. The sound is bone rattling as glass and metal shelving crash to the floor amid the screams of a woman who was hiding on the other side.  The man raises his knife in defiance as if to invite someone else to try to escape. For a moment you lose your bearings, you feel as if you've literally walked into a scene from a bad horror movie. You wonder if maybe you could charge him and take him down - but he is in a state of pure rage, acting incoherently, flailing his weapon... You quickly conclude that his behavior is way too erratic to make any quick moves.  Then you hear it, police sirens, not so far away.  The maniac suddenly freezes, he turns and in seconds he is out the door disappearing around the side of the building...

The above two incidents would make the local if not national news.  Parents would be filmed gathering around the school in lock-down.  Police cars parked around the school yard, scenes of children being evacuated, tearful reunions with parents.  There would be counselors available for students and staff. EMTs would be called to care for the children hurt by desks being violently shoved into them.  Police would tape off the area and treat it like a crime scene.  At home, people would watch the account on the news and shake their heads in wonder that someone so crazy was even walking the streets, thrilled that he was caught before he killed someone.  Some little children would catch a glimpse of the news account and worry that it would happen at their school.  The children who were in the classroom that day will experience PTSD symptoms, panic attacks, nightmares, for many months - even years.

Much the same for the gas station incident.  It would probably make the local news and they would include an artist's rendition of the madman, asking for people to call the police with any information they may have.  People listening on the news in the general area where the incident took place would be extra vigilant about walking alone or going into small stores.  They would check and double check their windows and doors before going to sleep and not really feel comfortable until they hear that the police found the 'crazy with a knife'.

These two incidents are not unlike what many DV families experience on a regular basis behind the closed doors of their homes.  The difference is that the madman is a family member and the strangers are the immediate family. Another difference is that no one calls the police, no one tells.  They wake up the next morning, cover any bruises the best they can and go on with their day as if nothing ever happened - except that it did and their every waking moment is consumed with the inevitable 'next time'...and there WILL be a next time for the family.  Even though the family will suffer literally generations of abuse, why will it most likely only be a once in a life time event for the school teacher and the mini-mart customer? 

The reason "why" is the key to defeating the beast.  It is the key to escaping the violence.  Let's examine what is different between the public incidents and the average DV rage.

In both public incidents there were many witnesses.  Both times the police were called and community services assisted the victims:  Emergency Medical Technicians (EMTs), counselors, the neighborhood was made aware of the situation so they could not only help the police but also be vigilant about their own safety.  The news was broadcast and friends, families, and co-workers were sure to be talking about the incident - discussing how they might have handled it, sharing their judgments on how such a criminal should be handled.  Parents became more thoughtful about the safety of their own children and consider if there was anything more they should do to ensure their day to day safety.

PUBLIC VIOLENCE

1.  The public incidents had many witnesses that do not know the abuser.

 2.  The police are called by the victims or the witnesses.

3. The victims are assisted by the community, getting needed medical attention, counseling.

 4.  The neighbors are made aware of the situation and are asked for help.

5.   The news broadcasts to the greater community and encourages conversation and education on how to protect oneself under similar circumstances.

6. Parents are worried about the 'isolated' violence and are thoughtful about how best to keep their children safe.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

 1. In domestic violence there are rarely witnesses outside of the immediate family.

2. The victims do not call the police.

3. The victims rarely go in for medical attention and do not receive counseling.    

 4.  The abuser and the victims are careful not to let the neighbors know about what happens inside the home.

5. The news rarely talks about domestic violence unless they are reporting a violent death - usually so violent that it is hard for people to relate it to something they would need to be concerned about.

6.  Parents are not aware that 1 out of every 4 of their children's friends come from a family that is experiencing a form of domestic violence.